You know that feeling when you are so entirely stuck – it’s like you’ve hit a brick wall.
It happens in running, in dieting – in all areas
Of life. But what I wasn’t prepared for
Was to hit one in parenting.
Yesterday Biggie told me he doesn’t need me and won’t ever again. Now obviously what he meant was – I don’t want you because clearly he needs me – the 6 miles car journey to school and back is proof of that
But he doesn’t want me – and I don’t know what to do with that
He’s not quite teen and I know all people have hated their parents at some point when they won’t give in to what seems a reasonable demand but our problem
Seems deeper than that
Our relationship became wobbly a few days ago because he told lies, manipulated me and caused upset at home over the Bain of our lives – homework.
I explained to him calmly that I felt hurt by his behaviour and I wanted him to do some repair work – in the same way I do when we fall out because of my reactions.
He’s done this before and actually is currently very insightful about himself so I had every faith he could think about what it was that’s caused the issue and how I might feel.
However after 3 days I was still getting the silent treatment and there was no sign of it changing. His father asked him why he was finding it so hard to sort the issue
He replied – there’s no point. I’ll just do it again anyway and I don’t need her. It’s not worth repairing.
Amazing for me – I didn’t cry or eat chocolate at this.
But it got me thinking – does he genuinely believe this or is it anger talking?
Our relationship has always been strained due to me being a replacement for a birth parent who rejected him so he’s always been on the cautious negative side of loving me. But is he really deciding now at 12 that our relationship is past saving??
I’m at a loss as to my next move. I shall look in the A-Z of therapeutic parenting (Sarah Naish)
And I shall think back to our many hours of training and reading.
And I might fit in a little sob and a bar of Cadbury’s *
But I think it’s ok to hit brick walls – we can’t carry all the answers around all the time – as long as we keep trying to find them
*it seems my phone knows me well, it changed bar to vat (haha)