I’ve worked out why I’m crazy!

Parenting is a tough job. You’ve got your own timetable to keep up with, the house timetable, the pets, your partners, their work, your work, fitness, diets, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, medical appointments, social events, tests, homework, clubs and even menstrual cycles for those lucky enough to suffer this curse!

So when I wrote Adoptymum – I didn’t think I was an expert – by a long shot. But I felt I had a good grasp on my kids and what to expect from them. Obviously really as I found time to write our crazy life on paper!!

And as the year has gone on, i’ve worked out why I’m crazy and my life has slowly descended in to an actual loud exclamation of WTAF?!

Lockdown – yeh wasn’t prepared for that. Homeschool two kids who seesaw in behaviour and attention needing, while fighting over the sofa, the remote, bubble wrap, a cardboard box, the dog, cushions – even breathing near each other.

Just wasn’t going to happen. As an ex teacher, I feel lame. Adoptydad, as a very academic and gifted pupil in his former years, think this is terrible and that they’ll fall behind and be stupid when they grow up, never getting a good job and always being reliant on us FOREVER!

This made me sit up a bit. FOREVER?! I can’t do this forever! I am not one of those silent sufferers who eventually implode. I plan on exploding and dragging everyone in with me! Forever being needed to this extent? Forever dealing with the refusals and tantrums? It’s exhausting to even think about.

So I pondered and thought long and hard (I mean drank!). Why is this so hard now? The last few years have been tough but working towards manageable. I had confident moments and real good parenting moments too. Ok – the odd epic fail was in there – like when I got the kids ready in uniform for school, with packed lunches, only to find out as I looked for my keys, that both schools were shut!! But on the whole I didn’t feel as daunted every day as I had in the past.

Then I realised. The books, the training and the advice don’t set you up for the right type of parenting. They prepared me for textbook parenting where you have terrible twos, toddler, school, tween, teen and sloth.

No one ever prepared me for ‘moon’ parenting.(copyright) The kind needed for kids who constantly change. My school age child loves between baby when things are really bad and horrid teen when the planets align

My tween flits between toddler, tantrums, unhygienic zombie and sloth. And I can’t keep up. Nowhere does it say in the books, what you should do when your child cleans their teeth with water as it’s too much effort to add toothpaste.

The books also don’t give advice on what to do when your child appears late one night, with pen drawings all over her body and face, sobbing as she’s embarrassed, claiming her body told her to do it I can hear her now shouting and screaming in her sleep – night terrors should have been grown out of by now!

So thank all that is holy, for Facebook and instagram. Filled with understanding people, laughing, sympathising and understanding just how batshit crazy this parenting lark can be.

Sigh. Better go check she’s not colouring something else on her – or cutting her own hair. Again.

Loving the moustachio!

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